Each daughter carries her mother within her. It is a bond that we can never break, we will always have something of our mother inside, like it or not. For better or for worse, we are part of it.
And the time comes in life when we must be aware of how much we owe to our mothers. We need to know how our mothers influenced the person we are today and how they continue to do so. It is an act of love, but also of courage and personal growth, since we will not always like what we find.
A unique bond formed from the first moment
Christiane Northrup, a gynecologist and obstetrician, could not better express the deep bond that binds us to our mothers from the beginning: “ Our cells divided and developed in time with the beat of your heart. Our skin, hair, heart, lungs, and bones were fed by his blood, which was full of neurochemicals formed in response to his thoughts, beliefs, and emotions. If she felt fear or anxiety, or if she felt very unhappy with the pregnancy, our body could feel it, as we notice even if she felt safe, happy and satisfied . ”
Later, when we were born, our mother tried to offer us the first experiences of love and support. Its power is so strong that it not only influences our mental state, but also helps our brain grow.
A study conducted at the University of Washington found that children who grew up with mothers who passed on their confidence and trust showed more developed brain areas, such as the hippocampus. In contrast, children with emotionally distant mothers showed more stunted development.
Without a doubt, the bond of a mother with her daughter is one of the deepest. Through our relationship with her, we learn to love or hate, trust or distrust, surrender or fight. The problem is that, in some cases, we deny that link, and we deny ourselves. If we do not recognize what our mother has built, we cannot grow, we will remain trapped in denial.
The legacy of our mothers
Surely it will have happened to you that at some time or some times you have found yourself speaking like your mother , using some of the phrases that she repeated a thousand times during your childhood and development, or you will have noticed in yourself the gesture that reveals that you spent many years by her side, while learning to be yourself. And even if you become an adult, independent and autonomous, you cannot get rid of the influence exerted by your mother.
Any woman brings with her the consequences of such a relationship. If our mothers transmitted positive messages to us and taught us love and respect, their teachings will become a valuable emotional guide that will accompany us wherever we go.
But if we had toxic mothers, we might become distrustful, controlling, or blackmailing, attitudes that we later reproduce in our relationships with others. If our mothers were afraid and insecure, it is likely that we have low self-esteem and do not dare to take risks. In these cases, we have to heal. And to do that we must be able to understand how these limiting behaviors and beliefs come from the relationship we had with our mothers.
Can you grow as a person despite your maternal inheritance?
Find out how much of you belongs to your mother
The best way to discover the beliefs, stereotypes or values that your mother taught you is to lower your guard and stop thinking about it, even if it seems like a contradiction. At some point, you will discover that you are saying things that are not yours, but belong to your childhood or adolescence.
Analyze in depth the basic message, because it is likely that many of these ideas have been transmitted to you by your mother and now you repeat them, and without realizing it are those ideas that determine your decisions.
See if these ideas help you
Some of these ideas are likely to strengthen you as a person in the most difficult times. For example, when faced with a problem, you can unconsciously repeat a phrase that your mother told you many times when you were a child, such as: ” Don’t worry, after the storm it always comes out in the sun .”
In these cases, these phrases will help you face difficulties. But if these ideas make you limit or discourage you, it’s time to assume they don’t belong to you: they are opinions that someone else implanted in your mind, but that doesn’t define you.
Heal emotional wounds
A maladaptive thinking that limits you almost always feeds on a conflict that you have not resolved. Therefore, it is important to detect those parts of the relationship with your mother that you do not accept, and that require a healing process.
By carrying these problems with us, pretending they don’t exist, we will prevent us from growing. Face conflict, forgive, and turn the page. Sometimes all we need to do is make peace with the quirks and difficulties you’ve experienced.
It has probably been difficult and we still have the consequences, but these problems also made you the person you are today, so you better try to understand how they allowed you to grow.
Choose the positive things
You have probably overlooked many positive aspects in your relationship with your mother. In fact, as we mature, we tend to properly value the sacrifices our mother made for us and the care she gave us.
All relationships go through difficult times, there are always arguments and disagreements. After all, you two are different people. However, don’t let these problems break such a unique bond.
Focus on all the positive things about the bond with your mother. Remember that we all have our lights and shadows, but we can decide if we want to focus on the mistakes or appreciate the successes.
Remember that the best tribute you can give to your mother is to recognize how she helped you grow and become the person you are today.