A middle-aged man jokes with his work friends, saying, “I love being a father, I have two great kids… but my wife has 3!” The group might laugh and allow the conversation to move forward, but the truth is that many women today actually feel like they are the parents of their own husbands or partners rather than relying on their support in family life. If a partner or husband leaves them all the role of chef, driver, teacher, nurse, maid, special events coordinator, and correctional facility, many mothers feel like they are always running out of fuel, especially if they also work outside the home.
This is not a feminist article, but a topic to raise awareness of a modern problem, where both the husband and wife or life partners who have children in common, suffer from not stopping to observe where this vicious circle arises from where they both bear the same responsibility.
It’s not the children, it’s the husbands
Unfortunately, for many women, as demanding as motherhood may be, their husbands can have an even greater impact on their stress levels . In fact, a survey conducted by Today (USA) with more than 7,000 mothers, found that the average mother rates her stress levels 8.5 out of 10, and 46% of women say that their husbands are causing them more stress than their children. Summary Investigations:
- Mothers worry more about not having enough time in the day to do everything that needs to be done.
- 3 out of 4 moms with partners say they do most of their parenting and household duties
- 1 in 5 mothers say that not having enough help from their spouse is a major source of daily stress
Additionally, researchers at the University of Padova have recently found that this translates to a difference in health later down the road when a partner passes away. When husbands lose their wives, their health deteriorates, but when women lose their husbands, they actually become healthier and better at coping with stress and depression. The researchers suspected this was because men were more dependent on their female partners than vice versa.
Why husbands stress their wives
Husbands can help more
There is definitely more than one underlying theme at play here. On the one hand, mothers expect the same support from their partners to take care of their families; things like organizing play dates, doctor’s appointments, and homework. But even in families where both parents work full time, it is still quite common for women to be left with those responsibilities.
How to fix it: If you notice that you and your partner don’t have a uniform division of responsibilities at home, talk to him about it. If it helps, try making a list of all the little things that need to be done each week and see how you can make things more equitable. Try starting a shared calendar that both of you can easily access on their phones and computers, so no one has to worry about forgetting important dates.
Wives can rest more
There are always two sides to a story. It can be easy to blame your partner for not taking on more responsibilities at home, but most of the time, you really want to be the best father and husband that they can be. The problem can sometimes be that mothers don’t fully trust their partners to take on more.
How to fix it: Women can have fantastic visions of their family and children. But if they don’t execute exactly well, it may seem easier to do things themselves than to ask your partner to step in. Resist the temptation! Remember to value your own time to recharge and take care of yourself. If that means your kids dated their dad in mismatched clothes, so be it.
Put a little spark in your relationship
When the parenting fuss begins, it can be very easy to put your relationship on the back burner. But that’s not how relationships work! They are not just parents, they are a couple… and they are individuals! Nurturing a loving relationship between the two of you will make a huge difference in both the short and long term.
How to fix it: Do your best to dedicate a certain amount of time each week: no kids, no work, no distractions. Keeping the connection strong between the two of you can help you tackle those challenging days when all you want to do is scream or cry or hide in the closet with some comfort food. The truth is that both you and your partner and your children will benefit from having your family founded on a strong partnership.