When my father passed away, my whole world collapsed in front of me, the idea of ​​never seeing him again, it was so unbearable that I could not resist it. Not seeing him again, not feeling his affection or hugs, the lack of his advice or not seeing him again was the strongest thing I had ever had to live.

When we heard the terrible news, I could not contain the crying, the pain that I felt in my chest and throughout my body; After saying goodbye, I was in my room, alone and locked up, asking with tears in my eyes to see him again, whatever.

The question my mother asked me, who is the strongest woman I know, stuck with me forever: do you know that you are actually crying for yourself and not for him? When I heard that I was perplexed, and I couldn’t really understand what it meant, of course I was crying for my father, but then seeing my confused face, my mother continued:

I understand that it hurts to lose someone, their departure has also hurt me, but over time I have come to understand that one cries for oneself and not for those who have left, that is, we cry because we have lost them, because we know that we never more will be by our side, at least not physically, because if supposedly everything ends with death, they are no longer there, not even to mourn for having passed away and my question is: if life continues beyond death, why cry and suffer?

One has to accept death and let them go, cry for a moment but not bind them forever to us with our tears. Understand that although they are no longer physically, their memory will remain present in us and will accompany us for life in a spiritual way. Remember them as they were in life and not allow their memory to go away.

We must not die together with our dead, what we must do is remember their life and our life with them, because the flame of their life will continue to live in you, and they will always be there for you to revive them.
Many affirm that without their dead they should not be able to continue living, but they should not say that it is because they loved them, but because they need them and that is when they have to reflect that loving is not the same as needing.

Accepting that they are gone will help you grow emotionally, in this way you will discover that you must live life without depending on anyone else. Also, you should never hold back tears but also never force them to come out, no matter if someone disapproves or let someone force you, just be yourself, take out your pain but do not tie yourself to it.

Once again I tell you, do not die with your dead! Let them leave like every season of the year, like swallows in autumn to nest in other climates and return in more numbers and grown in another spring.

Do not keep your tears or swallow your pain, because they will only lie in wait and at any moment you could explode, live and express everything in its moment and its hour. Stop guilt, remorse or reproach, your dead no longer gain anything from it and neither do you.

Continue to love them even after death, remember them fondly and perhaps with it something will be gained: another birth.
Sometimes we only see one face of death and the one on the other side escapes us. What would you feel if you looked at death as another birth? Think that when it comes to harvesting, your dead are not in the cemetery, they were never really there, except when they were alive and if you ask yourself, where are they then? I cannot answer for you, because I know where they are for me. mine and you must wonder where yours are for you.

The reality is that the cemetery is like a furrow where the seeds are thrown, no sower removes the earth again to look for the seeds already sown; returns to the field when harvesting ears.
Regret at the time and keep their memories in your heart, at some point they will meet again, when it is your turn to leave, for the moment dedicate yourself to living and being happy.

And then I could understand why my mother had only cried at the moment when everything happened, I thought she had already forgotten about him, but in reality she carries it in her heart, how right she has been. And you, do you think you cry for yourself or for your dead?

By Dr. Eric Jackson

Dr. Eric Jackson provides primary Internal Medicine care for men and women and treats patients with bone and mineral diseases, diabetes, heart conditions, and other chronic illnesses.He is a Washington University Bone Health Program physician and is a certified Bone Densitometrist. Dr. Avery is consistently recognized in "The Best Doctors in America" list.

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