To some mothers it may seem incredible that there are toxic mothers , but the fact is that this is truly a reality, mothers who create confused feelings, fears, guilt and insecurities, mothers who compete with their children, mothers who hope to live through them, To realize their dreams and goals, they try in some way to reinvent their lives within the lives of their little children.

It should be noted that there are also toxic fathers, we refer to mothers because they are the main givers of affection and are the most involved in parenting due to their closeness to children from pregnancy.

The concept of toxic mothers was first born in the 1990s, when a Psychologist in the United States named Susan Forward , wrote one of the most moving books in history on the topic of parenting, ” Parents Who Hate “, where she details beyond measure the impressive parenting practices he found in his research and their effects on the child’s adulthood.

It is remarkable the importance of recognizing that despite everything toxic mothers also act under a feeling of love , even when the result of their actions is so negative, we cannot say that their intention is nothing more than love, perhaps they do not know another way to do it or perhaps because of their personal resources they cannot assess how much damage they can do.

Toxic mothers generally come from families where discouraging experiences have been given in the name of love, and in this way they have learned to act.

Socially speaking or criticizing parents in one or more aspects of life is very frowned upon, so the norm is to keep quiet and accept things that may be unacceptable if they occur in another area of ​​life or in other types of relationships. A toxic mother during childhood will undoubtedly affect different aspects of adult life.

Characteristics of toxic mothers

Toxic mothers are full of i nseguridades and distrustful of the capabilities of their own children , so they are constantly on the need to intervene in all of these issues, activities, relationships and friendships.

They have low self-esteem that they project on their children making use of their fears, they see ghosts of criticism and reasons to be ashamed or feel ashamed behind each act of their children, they are mothers who do not allow the intervention of others in their children’s educational process and they disavow other family members, teachers, instructors.

They do not leave their comfort zone  or allow their children to do so , they are usually prohibitive, denying access to activities where they do not have complete control and control or feel comfortable, they will hardly allow their children to attend places alone or where they do not have knowledge or contact.

They transfer their frustrated goals to become the goals of their children, these mothers have usually had a life without important achievements , in general they have had to abandon dreams to follow another type of life, they have the tendency to take over the decisions of their children. Children regardless of their tastes, this attitude ranges from choosing an activity or sport to selecting a study career.

Toxic mothers are usually lonely people who have found company in their children that they have not found in other areas of their lives, so their love tends to become possessive, highly damaging and disabling.

Toxic mothers are generally authoritarian and of excessive punishment, they do not talk, they do not argue with the child about their strengths and weaknesses, on the contrary they question and judge without listening, instead of resolving they always seek the punitive way out. They are in constant search of perfection and that their child (regardless of the qualities or abilities they have) is always the first and the best .

What effects does it have on education?

Children raised by toxic parents have the tendency to suffer from emotional frustrations, they will generally be evasive of their responsibilities, they have not been used to participate in their own decisions, so they will be adults incapable of doing so. Dependent and scared in general they will suffer when they find themselves alone in the face of life’s challenges.

They will have a low level of tolerance for frustration, as they have not developed healthy skills to cope alone, their self-esteem and self-concept are severely affected, the evaluations they have undergone have been drastic and have diminished their ability to believe in themselves.

They will be insecure adults who will always have the tendency to live after their own fears, they will judge themselves as poor beings and who do not deserve manifestations of love.

The worst thing about this whole story is that children subjected to living in childhood under the education of toxic mothers, is that they will always have the tendency to repeat the parenting patterns under which they have grown up, becoming the toxic parents of the future. .

Raising children is a very delicate task that we sometimes take lightly, it is a formative task, beyond knowledge, it is a educator of people, the only work that will multiply forever.

By Dr. Eric Jackson

Dr. Eric Jackson provides primary Internal Medicine care for men and women and treats patients with bone and mineral diseases, diabetes, heart conditions, and other chronic illnesses.He is a Washington University Bone Health Program physician and is a certified Bone Densitometrist. Dr. Avery is consistently recognized in "The Best Doctors in America" list.

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