Being reactive or jumping with anger all the time, may have an explanation in the background, but we can also find a way to control ourselves and change so that our reactions are not harmful, if it is the case that we live being reactive all the time.

Depending on how we interpret things, this plays a vital role in how we use our time, energy, and attention. Although it may be very clear to us to know what our own intentions are, how do we usually perceive the intention that another person has?

If we come across a motorist who cuts us off in traffic, do we believe that their intention was violence? What happens when someone close to you calls your attention or “scolds” you about the state of your love life? Was their goal to irritate you or cause you more trouble, or was their motive to help you?

Why do we tend to be reactive and angry all the time?

Sometimes we misinterpret the “color” of an intention, that is, we misinterpret what an email tells us, a text on the cell phone, a post, or even the lack of a response. But in reality, what we assume about someone else’s motives reflects our own perception of what we believe to be true of this world and the human condition. And a misinterpretation is what makes us so reactive all the time.

Instead of hiding or getting defensive about an issue, and then falling into anger, resentment, offense, sadness, and anguish, why don’t you start by modifying yourself?

Here are some ways to free yourself from being reactive and angry all the time.

1. Think of the other

You should ask yourself some questions before reacting directly to what you see or read , ask yourself: “ Do I really know something important about this person? Do I really know your goals towards me? ” If we do not know that person in depth, how are we going to know about the innermost part of his mind? The truth is that we can’t.

2. Consider what your beliefs are

For example: What things do you consider to be true in this life? Do you feel unworthy and therefore you think that everyone criticizes you? Do you think that success encourages people to look at others as something inferior and the world at their feet? These are just some questions to see where we are projecting from. We have to take responsibility that our own frame of reference is ours alone. Sometimes we project ourselves onto something that isn’t really there. And this makes us reactive to models that are only in our own head.

3. Try to be more compassionate

Leave the paranoia. Accidents happen. People are distracted by pain, worry and stress beyond what that moment, with that person, is telling us within our vision. For example: The person whose phone rings during yoga class Do you think he wanted that to happen? You have a dinner with a possible future love and he does not arrive early or he tells you that he will arrive later while you are already sitting waiting for him, do you think he is disrespecting you? Maybe it was just that he got a last-minute diarrhea.

4. Try that others can clarify things for you

Sometimes it is better to eliminate a conflictive situation in a calm way, just openly asking the other person what they wanted to do, or what they wanted to achieve, rather than despair. You can get an honest answer and it may not. But at least you tried to give it a try. Some people don’t act with a purpose, they just react unconsciously . The point is, now you will know what kind of person you are dealing with instead of assuming a false reality. You may be surprised to find out that it was a simple misunderstanding and you will be able to get closer because of this conversation. This will also prevent certain people from causing you to be reactive and despair each time.

5. Anticipate

We are not exempt from someone who may misinterpret our intentions . Sometimes it is helpful to just simply say what it is, something like: “ I don’t want to sound critical, but I’m trying to understand, you can explain me better. ”The intention of this is that it is more of a conversation where ideas flow and everyone should have the opportunity to contribute, clearly indicating that the tone of the talk is what can neutralize the hostility of a sensitive topic, or mark a expectation to try something out of the ordinary.

6. Change

We can offer the idea to others by our example to inspire change, and this can be achieved in powerful ways. Having the feeling of being understood is unanimous for everyone. Shaping our own destiny by practicing more love and empathy for those around us, and broadening our understanding of who someone is, is a meaningful way to make things better.

By Dr. Eric Jackson

Dr. Eric Jackson provides primary Internal Medicine care for men and women and treats patients with bone and mineral diseases, diabetes, heart conditions, and other chronic illnesses.He is a Washington University Bone Health Program physician and is a certified Bone Densitometrist. Dr. Avery is consistently recognized in "The Best Doctors in America" list.

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