In this article we will teach you how to avoid conflicts with your loved ones . To understand any conflict, let’s look at the most widespread and most significant type of conflict: the confrontation between two people. The circumstances and reasons for these clashes can be very different. But in any case, all of them, at least for the participants in the conflict, should be significant.

In other words, if there is no experience, and there is simply a divergence of views, or even opposing activities, there is no conflict. Conflicts occur when at least one of the opponents is not indifferent to what the other person thinks . They could be ways of acting differently or doing something wrong. That is why we should not call everything conflict, but only those who are emotionally experienced.

How a conflict unfolds

The pattern of any conflict is typical. First, the conflict presupposes the existence of actors, the participants in the conflict. They are usually called opponents. They are always concrete people, although they can act as representatives of certain groups, other social communities, and even entire states.

Each opponent in the conflict has a certain rank. Rank in conflict is strength, the importance of the position that the opponent defends. These positions can be selfish, so the opponent’s rank is minimal, or be universal, so the rank is high.

How to resolve conflicts

For optimal conflict resolution, it is important to know the opponent’s real range. Statements such as “for the sake of truth” or “I defend the interests of all humanity” do not always correspond to the real state of affairs. Not only can the opponent honestly be misled about what he really represents in the conflict. They can often deliberately camouflage their own goals.

This observation is also relevant in terms of self-assessment. It is very useful to give yourself at least a complete report: what you will achieve by participating in a certain conflict. If you don’t do such a self-analysis, then you can easily make a mistake in choosing your course of action. If you do not determine well the means and methods to resolve the conflict, you will be aggravating it.

What motivates the conflicting parties

The actions of each opponent have a certain motivation, which is based on their needs, interests, values ​​and moral guidelines. Generally, the importance of the same things and values ​​varies from person to person.

Money, for example, can be a means to solve everyday problems, for another an end in itself. For one, the main thing in life is to have a clear conscience, another person might not know what that is. The degree of aspiration to the goal, with the same value orientations, is not manifested in the same way by all. The nature of each being, the different ideas, and the different stereotypes of the worldview will always emerge.

In this regard, it is good to remember, and this should be taken into account in communication, about the characteristics of the perception of a person of the opposite sex. For example, experts say, a man’s physical attractiveness is an additional opportunity to be successful with a woman. But, it reduces the chances of success in dealing with business matters with men.

Eliminate sources of conflict

The core of any conflict is always an object. It can be a material object, a thing, or maybe just an abstraction, an idea. An example of the latter may be conflicts “for the sake of justice” due to some principle. Although, in some cases, the object of the conflict can be everything, without exception. Its only mandatory property is indivisibility in the eyes of the opponent. What the rest thinks in this sense, makes practically no sense whatsoever for the participants in the conflict.

So if there are opponents it is because there is an object of conflict. Therefore, the healthiest thing is to anticipate to eliminate the reasons for a future collision.

By Dr. Eric Jackson

Dr. Eric Jackson provides primary Internal Medicine care for men and women and treats patients with bone and mineral diseases, diabetes, heart conditions, and other chronic illnesses. He is a Washington University Bone Health Program physician and is a certified Bone Densitometrist. Dr. Avery is consistently recognized in "The Best Doctors in America" list.

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