The natural order is that children generally outlive their parents and at some point become witnesses to their death . But although this is a very common phenomenon and most of us will have to experience it, it is impossible to prepare for the final departure of Mom and Dad . It is almost always a pump that is difficult to process.

It is a difficult experience even when we had very cold relationships or even if there was some hatred between our parents and us. The death of parents is the end of a certain stage of our lives and after it almost no one manages to live as if nothing had happened . And the changes are sometimes quite surprising.

Accepting his death: the hardest part

For a young child, the death of a parent is a huge and unimaginable tragedy. And in almost all cases it has an impact on the psyche of a teenage man. However, it turns out that for adults it is not a much lighter experience, even though they are aware of the inevitability of this moment and have managed to become independent from them .

Orphaned children’s feelings are very violent. There is shock, there is disbelief, there is terrible sadness . Of course, the relationship you have had with your parents affects the intensity of the feeling. So grief doesn’t always happen the same way. However, it is rare that an event like this does not cause a commotion. Because, after all, a father shapes our personality and a professed value system , whether he is a guardian, or when he really neglected the care of his child.

It does not matter if the death was sudden or if it was clear for some time that the farewell would soon come. Expected or not, the end of a loved one’s life is an unpleasant surprise that is irrevocable and nothing can be done about it.

Life after death: getting to know your parents more

Everyone experiences grief very differently, but overall, most cope best when they are not alone in their sadness. Often this is the time when relationships with the rest of the family change significantly: after the parents leave, the brother or sister becomes an even closer person . You can see the presence of aunts and uncles who become a link to the past. They remember the deceased and present them in a completely different way.

Remembering unknown moments of childhood and youth. Telling stories that we never would have imagined about our parents. At this point you begin to realize how much your parents changed and how much they sacrificed to raise you . Thanks to which some of his character traits become more understandable.

Experience its absence

Whatever happens after this, one thing is for sure: we have become orphans . No one will hand us over to the orphanage, but emptiness is felt. Of course, adults usually have friends, husband / wife, their own children, but these are other pain-relieving bonds. However, the absence of parents cannot be completely replaced.

We are no longer clumsy creatures, but it was always more pleasant to live knowing that someone existed a little higher than you were. Someone you turned to at various times in your life, and also complained about being strict.

Someone with whom you came crying to ask for advice after a love breakup. Because even with a perfect match and devoted friends, parental care is special, often unconditional . And even if the worst things happened, Mom and Dad stayed with you, ready to provide support.

After his death, in a sense we depend only on ourselves, we have to mature one hundred percent. Of course, most will probably say that they have been independent for a long time and do not feel alone at all. But this lack manifests itself in many key moments, such as pregnancy, marriage, moving, major career changes, financial problems and serious illnesses.

Parents will not always be around: take advantage of their presence

The pain is often compounded by remorse. On the list of things we regret the most as adults, we generally regret not spending enough time with our loved ones . Especially with parents.

So take a moment to call your mother even if you are very busy. Or stop for at least a quarter of an hour to chat with your lonely father , and ask him how he is doing. Many parents and children lose communication especially because older parents are tired. They have outdated views, they haunt you with embarrassing questions, they cling, they complain, they don’t let you live totally your way.

But when they finally leave, you miss their care, family reunion Sunday, even when they meddled in your affairs. And the worst part is that most of these disagreements could be resolved significantly if, instead of verbal fights, they spoke honestly from the heart at least once .

Parents are often taken for granted , because they have always been with us, and they will be for a long time to come. That is why after his death one laments the gratitude that we never expressed, the warm words and gestures that we missed, and the meetings that we avoided.

We take comfort in the idea that they probably knew about our feelings anyway. But we are also aware that this is not the same, which intensifies the despair after his departure.

Therefore, do not miss the opportunity while you still have it. Fix your differences with your parents. Stay in touch and re-forge a warm bond that you will definitely remember when you are gone.

Death is not the end: customs continue

Fortunately, problems finding a common language with parents are not always the result of a dramatic past, often nothing more than a simple conflict of generations. People raised at different times understand reality differently , they have their own vision of what should be done and what is unacceptable.

And when parents leave, we fondly remember their habits, which once seemed ridiculous and stupid, and which today become part of our heritage.

Thanks to them, you can keep the memory of mom and dad, maintain their identity , preserve these unique fragments of the past. Many people right after the death of their parents revert to their traditions, although in the past they seemed outdated and pointless.

In everyday conversations, they fondly recall what Dad said and what Mom did. The ugly toilet in your room, which you could not bear in childhood, suddenly becomes your favorite piece of furniture – we look at it and feel the presence of our parents.

Dr. Eric Jackson

By Dr. Eric Jackson

Dr. Eric Jackson provides primary Internal Medicine care for men and women and treats patients with bone and mineral diseases, diabetes, heart conditions, and other chronic illnesses. He is a Washington University Bone Health Program physician and is a certified Bone Densitometrist. Dr. Avery is consistently recognized in "The Best Doctors in America" list.

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