Maybe you feel angry all the time . You are irritable and short-tempered. You may want to hit everyone around you, because your anger feels like a tsunami. You are bound to collide with something. However, you don’t know why you feel that way. You have no idea why you are on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Where does this inexplicable anger come from? What does that mean?

Why am I angry all the time and for no reason

There can be many different causes. One explanation is that you have weak limits. You say yes when you really want to say no. You do things for others that you are not comfortable doing. You are constantly exhausted.

But You May Not Make the Connection: How to Communicate Your Needs, Set Healthy Boundaries, and Transform Your Relationships. You may think that people take advantage of you and you don’t realize that you have a part in that dynamic.

You are not sleeping well

Or maybe you’re not getting enough sleep or you’re drowning in to-do lists. Which makes it more difficult to access emotional coping skills.

If you’re angry all the time maybe it’s depression

There seems to be a misunderstanding that depression is crying all the time and not getting out of bed. However, increased irritability is a common symptom.

Maybe it’s anxiety

People with high anxiety often feel on the verge of being overwhelmed because they have to work so hard to control their own internal emotional state. Therefore, when a challenging situation arises, you may feel your best, manifesting as anger or a short circuit.

Problems with your partner

Some psychotherapists report seeing many people and couples who are angry due to relationship problems. That is, they are angry at their spouse, children, parents, friends, or coworkers. For example, they may be angry because they feel invisible or like they don’t matter.

Maybe you don’t feel support

Maybe you expected your best friend to support you, but they didn’t. Perhaps you were hoping that your spouse would help you more around the house. That’s where, if those buttons are pressed long enough, you could often slip into a state of rage without even knowing why.

Wanting to control the uncontrollable

Anger also stems from wanting to control what is outside of us. Focusing on what others are doing causes frustration.

Sometimes you may not feel angry at all. Rather, your actions may be passive-aggressive and they may feel resentful. There are some people who have anger problems and don’t really allow themselves to express their anger.

Anger brings a deep problem to the surface

An example: “Cindy”, a woman in her 30s seemed happy and positive, and exhausted. Cindy was an excellent caregiver and had great empathy for everyone (except herself). She has two children with disabilities. Her husband rarely helped her: he either disconnected from the children or exploded against them. Cindy worked really hard to keep everyone happy.

Once she connected with her thoughts and feelings, she realized that she was feeling angry about doing most of the parenting and letting her husband break free for not interacting with her children. He also realized that underneath his anger was loneliness. She did not feel supported.

Maybe like Cindy, you are not in tune with your feelings either. Most of us did not learn to manage our emotions.

Anger is considered taboo

Instead, society encourages us to avoid conflict, be nice, and say yes when we want to say no. What we fight most against anger is that it is still considered a taboo emotion.

We fear that by expressing our anger , we will hurt someone’s feelings, possibly lose control, or risk the relationship. However, when we manage anger effectively, it is actually a gift. It teaches us when something is wrong, or when to take appropriate action, or do nothing.

For example, Cindy applied her anger to make specific requests of her husband, so that he would have more support and feel less alone. She redirected her energy to herself and learned to manage her own thoughts. She learned to express her feelings without guilt and take a break before exploding.

Tips for Effectively Managing Anger

  • Be aware of your early warning signs of anger. (That may be different for everyone).
  • Express your emotions without blaming the other person.
  • Plan ahead to handle difficult situations.
  • Take a deep breath to stay in the moment.
  • Notice the negative thoughts that trigger your irritation.
  • Ask for help if you are struggling.
  • Take a break when a situation starts to escalate. Let the person know that you would like to continue the conversation once (or both of you) have calmed down.

Anger is often a secondary emotion. Underneath the frustration and irritability is often a vulnerable emotion, such as loneliness (as in Cindy’s case), sadness, or fear. And it is generally more difficult to access and express.

If you are angry all the time you can use the following metaphor about emotions as if they were an ocean:

Draw the surface of the ocean and write or draw what you are feeling. Then brainstorm the emotions that might be swimming below the surface.

Remember that angry feelings are not the same as violent behavior. We tend to use the terms interchangeably, which has created the misconception that anger is “bad.”

Again, anger is a vital and valuable emotion. Recognizing angry feelings and using this awareness to understand underlying vulnerable emotions is key to emotional health.

By Dr. Eric Jackson

Dr. Eric Jackson provides primary Internal Medicine care for men and women and treats patients with bone and mineral diseases, diabetes, heart conditions, and other chronic illnesses.He is a Washington University Bone Health Program physician and is a certified Bone Densitometrist. Dr. Avery is consistently recognized in "The Best Doctors in America" list.

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