Without emotional intimacy, relationships sink into reefs of emotional discord – no matter how hot it is, no matter how much we have in common – leaving us stranded on the interpersonal closeness we long for. Connect emotionally with the couple , it is essential to forge deeper ties and durable.
Express emotions or not express them
On the way to developing emotional intimacy, we have to learn to find an appropriate balance between restraint (such as when our anger is about to turn into hostility) and expression (such as when our slowed anger needs to give an emphatic voice).
There is a great debate about the merits of expression versus not expressing emotions, particularly those that are labeled “negative”, but beyond this debate between these two fields, there is another approach: we can make room for both expression and non-expression, so expression ceases to be lenient or harmful, and non-expression ceases to be mere repression. Imagine emotional containment and uninhibited emotion in intelligent timing, consciously and compassionately coexisting.
If we want more depth, connection and joy in our relationships, we are going to have to develop more emotional intimacy with our partners, our friends, our family, our co-workers . That simple and that difficult. Connecting only through our optimistic emotions is not enough, we also have to find, and continue to find, connection through all of our deepest emotions. And there is no way we can do this if we are not significantly intimate with our emotions.
7 ways to connect emotionally with your partner
1. If you are reactive, say so
When you realize that you are being reactive , say “I am being reactive.” How simple it sounds, and yet difficult to put into practice – mostly due to the shame we feel when we become aware of our reactivity.
And once you’ve declared that you are being reactive, stop, no matter how tempted you may be to continue your reaction. Soften your belly, breathe more deeply, and wait until you are ready to say what you feel and nothing else.
2. Learn to express the remorse in your heart
Don’t settle for superficial or emotionally flat expressions. If you don’t feel it, don’t say you’re sorry – but if you’ve done something that has hurt others and you feel bad about it, and the words “I’m sorry” get stuck in your throat, say you’re having a hard time saying it. Such a confession is usually softening enough to allow your remorse to have an appropriate voice.
3. If you are on the defensive and you know it, feel free to say so
Be your own whistleblower. Do not wait for the other to pressure you to recognize it. And be careful not to get defensive about “being on the defensive.”
4. Don’t let the emotional disconnect last longer than necessary.
When you lose contact with the other, reestablish it as soon as possible. If you become emotionally disconnected to punish the other person, confess it as soon as possible, regardless of how uncomfortable it may be.
5 .Never threats
Never threaten to leave the relationship in order to get your own way or have your partner beg you to stay.
If you’re feeling manipulative or manipulative, say so, rather than go through with it. Threats are negative promises, and are generally dependent on mood. If you really want to get out of a relationship, such desire will remain present no matter how good, bad or indifferent you feel.
6. Focus attention on emotions for a connection
Instead of using the love affair to build the connection, let this get better from a connection that is already present.
When you want to have relationships and you are not very connected with the other, focus your attention on your emotional state and do what it takes to bring that to your heart.
7. Deeper, less shallow
Don’t forget that the deeper you dive, the less you care about disturbed surface waves. View your relationship as an ever-evolving adventure that deepens through everything that happens, no matter how unpleasant it may be. It may hurt more as it matures, but you would care less.