Nowadays it is not difficult at all to meet controlling people wherever you are. It seems that they are always the ones who make the plans, choose what everyone is going to do or what they are going to eat. They are often giving unsolicited advice, saying to do something “because I want you to do it,” or not to do something because “I don’t want you to do that.”

What controlling people do to get you under their control

People with controlling personalities often have codependency issues . They trust their ability to control others, to make themselves feel more secure and confident. Once a controlling person has you under their spell, it can be difficult to get out.

Here are seven things controlling personalities do to keep you below them:

1. A controlling person always criticizes you

Controlling people are never satisfied with what others are doing . They believe their way is the right way and they know best. They constantly criticize everything you do or don’t do to let you know that you are wrong. It can be the clothes you wear, the food you eat, the music you listen to, or even the place where you work. Nothing is good enough for them.

2. They become close to you, and then create distance

This is a manipulation tactic used to gain ultimate control. Once you meet a controlling person, your relationship can move quickly. They start talking constantly and spend a lot of time together. You start to trust their affection. When a controlling person thinks you have feelings for them, they begin to distance themselves, only to make you turn your head, and to make you realize that you need them.

3. They get angry when you ask questions.

The person in control does not like to be questioned. They believe that they are always right. If you ask them to explain their opinions, reasons, or motives, they will instantly become defensive and upset. The truth is, they don’t have a good answer for you. They just want you to take their word for it without question.

4. They use guilt to manipulate you

The personalities they control are expert manipulators. They use phrases like, “If you love me, you will …” or “I’ll hurt myself if you don’t …” They try to blame you for following their orders and doing things their way. This is a sign of a toxic relationship that can end in emotional damage.

5. They do not tolerate the ideas or opinions of others.

Controlling people are extremely narrow-minded. They think they are always right, so there is no need for other ideas, beliefs, or opinions. They lack tolerance for other people, especially for those who defend their beliefs, share their opinions or disagree with them. If you disagree with them, you are wrong and that’s it. Their inability to tolerate others causes them to have few friends or people who matter to them.

6. They make rules about your life

Since they insist on knowing what’s best for you, a person in control will impose rules on your life. They might demand to know where you are and who you are with at all times. They might prohibit you from dating co-workers or certain friends, or they may set a rule that you must respond immediately when they call or write you. If any of these “rules” sound familiar, there is a good chance that you are with a controlling person in your life.

7. They make you feel bad for being yourself

Once you finally start to recognize the behaviors of a controlling person and refuse to follow their rules or make decisions based on their opinions, they will get angry. They will tell you that you have changed and they do not like the person you have become. They say you are ungrateful. Once they feel their power slipping away, they will say anything and everything to make you feel guilty. The truth is, you should never let anyone tell you who you are or who you should be. You are the only one who should be in control of your life and your happiness.

By Dr. Eric Jackson

Dr. Eric Jackson provides primary Internal Medicine care for men and women and treats patients with bone and mineral diseases, diabetes, heart conditions, and other chronic illnesses.He is a Washington University Bone Health Program physician and is a certified Bone Densitometrist. Dr. Avery is consistently recognized in "The Best Doctors in America" list.

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