When you think about being intimate, is intimacy really the first thing that comes to your mind? Do you think being intimate is a place to feel truly seen, loved, and free to fully express yourself?

 

If your answer is “no” to any of these questions, you are not alone. For most (honest) people, the answer is a resounding “no.”

But why? Especially considering that expressed sexuality is basically, by definition, one of the purest expressions of intimacy. However, there is a huge gap between what most people really crave in intimate relationships and what they actually experience in their day-to-day lives.

Due to this gap, a great deal of suffering, disappointment, resentment, and other unpleasant emotions are created.

5 tips to deepen intimate relationships with your partner

Here are five tips to help you deepen your experience of intimacy. With these essential keys in mind, you can begin to focus on radically clarifying your desires when it comes to expressing sexuality and intimacy with your partner. Getting in touch with your expectations and those of your partner can begin to make intimate relationships a real practice that truly prioritizes the art of intimacy.

1. Recognize the importance of cultivating an intimate friendship with your partner

Many people who want to feel deeply connected during intimate relationships tend to focus too much on technique – the details while the act itself is going on. However, the quality of the relationship with your partner is much more important to feel intense intimacy in the bedroom.

 

Emotional connection , mutual trust, and a sense of security within the relationship can basically be considered a prerequisite for the fulfillment of your intimate desires. Intimacy also requires acceptance, understanding, and, of course, physical attraction. Ultimately, it is the feeling of being home with someone that we long for so much, and that makes the act so enjoyable.

One of the most underrated ways to build trust and remove fear in your relationship (which prevents intimacy during relationships), is to really work on developing a strong and ever-evolving friendship with your partner . When your relationship is a safe space to share, be, and express yourself without judgment, your ability to offer more and give yourself unreservedly in the bedroom is greatly increased.

2. Connect deeply with your own body

The stressors and anxiety factors of everyday life – from work, cleaning the house, making dinner, paying the bills – keep most of us in exhaustive self-care routines. One result of this is that most of us spend a minimal amount of time exploring, hugging, and enjoying our own bodies.

Unfortunately, these effects of stress deteriorate our sex lives . When we have not developed a comfortable and intimate relationship with ourselves, it is almost impossible to cultivate a comfortable intimate relationship with another person.

When space is created to feel, explore, and love your own body, we are better able to communicate what we want, what we long for, and what makes us feel whole.

3. Speak

One of the most common reasons where routine begins to feel, much less passion, is through lack of communication . This is essential to take into account when it comes to privacy in the bedroom, and also outside the bedroom . Ask yourself: Am I expressing my true truth in my relationship? Or am I hiding from myself, and my partner, in order to keep the peace?

It may seem like you’re exaggerating if you want to express how upset you felt when your partner looked at your friend with flirtatious eyes. It may seem unnecessary to express how disappointed you were when your partner didn’t really acknowledge your effort in planning the perfect date. But think of it this way: when pain is suppressed in a moment, it does not go away; will come back again in another form.

 

One of the ways this occurs is through suppressed intimacy – emotional, sexual, and beyond. The more you can practice shortening the time it takes you between feeling pain and letting the other person know, the less likely you are to develop resentment. Less resentment and other negativities means a greater willingness to give and take in other ways, especially when it comes to intimacy. So let’s talk!

4. Enjoy your light, your darkness and the chiaroscuro in between

Many couples fall into the trap of monotony in intimacy over time. Unsurprisingly, this monotony often coexists with a sense of security – and feeling safe with your partner is a good thing. However, expanding the range of expressiveness can be a gateway to the deeper spiritual connection between two human beings, and that often involves stepping outside of the safe zone a bit (in a variety of ways).

Stepping outside the safe zone, and embracing your “dark” parts may be exactly what you and the relationship need to feel more intimate. In the bedroom, this could take the form of allowing your partner to carry you with more strength and assurance that they are having someone genuine or to express a deeper degree of hunger, sensuality, vulnerability and openness in your desires, with freedom .

By allowing yourself to explore your fantasies without shame and indulging yourself more fully in your deepest desires, you can proactively add a different kind of deep experience to everything you’ve ever felt.

5. Delivery of results

Much of the disconnect that arises during intimacy may be due to pressure to achieve something. Whether it’s reaching the peak of your intimate relationship, or that you’re trying to look a certain way or be perceived as a gifted lover, that distracts from the holiness and beauty of the present moment.

 

What if this whole experience was to experience your partner – in the moment – and offer something deeply of your own to him or her? If you don’t feel pressured to set a milestone during intimacy, how deep could you let go, enjoy, and give yourself to your partner?

When we are able to use sexuality as an expression of love, service, and presence, we open the door to experiencing it as a spiritual experience, too.

Most human beings will use intimacy as a way of experiencing release or pleasure; few will have the courage to really enter someone’s heart. But those who have the courage to do so will have a satisfying depth in life unlike anything they could have imagined.

By Dr. Eric Jackson

Dr. Eric Jackson provides primary Internal Medicine care for men and women and treats patients with bone and mineral diseases, diabetes, heart conditions, and other chronic illnesses.He is a Washington University Bone Health Program physician and is a certified Bone Densitometrist. Dr. Avery is consistently recognized in "The Best Doctors in America" list.

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