Most of us have been in a relationship with a narcissist . Perhaps you have been absorbed by a self-absorbed member of your family, a spouse, a boyfriend, a co-worker, or a friend.

Maybe you thought it was your fault when the narcissist left you feeling diminished and filled with despair. The truth is, your only “fault” was getting involved with a narcissist. Learning to detect this toxic behavior before it hurts is crucial to your health. A big part of wellness is being surrounded by healthy people and healthy relationships. If we have toxic relationships , we have to assess whether they can be transformed, or we have to find the strength to pull away.

Therefore, we are going to talk about how to spot a narcissist and how to get away from one.

6 characteristics of a narcissist

  1. He or she rarely takes responsibility for problems and instead blames others.
  2. The narcissist expresses little emotion, especially during conflicts with you. By doing so, expressing the emotion, he or she blames you for doing it. It is a subtle form of abuse.
  3. He or she drains you, but draws on your energy. Consider how much energy is being expended in this relationship, perhaps it is your effort to keep the relationship alive. Chances are, you are emotionally and physically drained, because you do all the planning, the apologies, and all the work to ‘fix’ what’s wrong.
  4. This person is charming, often flirtatious, and thinks highly of himself.
  5. You are irresponsible with your finances, career, duty, and / or keeping your house in order.
  6. This person is so incredibly endearing, but when you say a wrong thing, they yell at you. You can walk on eggshells wanting to do everything right.

Steps to ending a relationship with a narcissist

Once you’ve determined that you are with a narcissist, the smartest thing to do is walk away.

Why? There is no reasoning with this individual. You will inevitably lose any single argument and end most conflicts thinking that it was all your fault. You’ll end up apologizing. You will end up in counseling and you will end up losing your self-esteem.

You can avoid all of this:

1. Put distance emotionally and physically with this person

If they are co-workers, don’t accept their invitations anymore. If it’s a boyfriend, step back to orient yourself so you can walk away. If you are a family member, this may be more difficult, but there are many ways to distance yourself from such a person.

2. Realize that the problem is not you

It is necessary to explore why you attracted this type of personality, but that is the only place where you have to put your focus. Anything this person said or did to you is their challenge and not your fault. A narcissist will never blame himself.

3. When you’re ready which I hope is soon, walk away

It will be painful, but walk away anyway, and quickly. Don’t argue with them or give explanations whenever they are going to try to make you stay. Walk and don’t look back. You will be happy you did. Whether it is a spouse or boyfriend, narcissists move quickly. In a matter of weeks or a few months, they will be “in love” with someone else.

People may wonder how you let someone so “charming” get away. Stay true to yourself and don’t worry about what others think. Trust that any smart person in the same situation would walk away too.

4. Forget about the approval of others

Often times, the people who need the approval of others are the ones who attract this abusive personality type. Don’t look at another person for “approval” because they will never be satisfied. If you look to a narcissist for approval, you will fall into feeling completely abused and you will regret it.

5. Love yourself and surround yourself with people who really love you

When you do, you complete the picture of wellness in your life.

By Dr. Eric Jackson

Dr. Eric Jackson provides primary Internal Medicine care for men and women and treats patients with bone and mineral diseases, diabetes, heart conditions, and other chronic illnesses. He is a Washington University Bone Health Program physician and is a certified Bone Densitometrist. Dr. Avery is consistently recognized in "The Best Doctors in America" list.

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