To effectively interpret whether our relationship is driven by pain and not necessarily by love, it is necessary to understand what pain is in a relationship . It is impossible not to have disagreements and learn lessons as we move on the path of love, but when pain supplants love, and the relationship is a constant conflict, we must pay attention, because that may be what drives the relationship, and not love. .
Pain in a relationship manifests itself when you suffer some kind of physical or emotional stress over a sustained period of time. Some are so familiar with being miserable in a relationship that they don’t realize they are living in a pain-driven and grounded relationship .
5 signs that you are living in pain and not in love
These are some of the signs that a relationship that has been built on pain and not from love can present, some of them may seem very familiar if you are one of those who feels exhausted after dealing with your partner to get some point of agreement.
1. You make all the effort
You have long realized that you are the one who puts the most effort into the relationship and when you propose that he get more involved, you are continually ignored or overlooked. You often receive responses like: “You are too sensitive and needy” and they make you believe that everything you perceive is only in your head, that it is not a reality of the couple.
2. You see and feel that your partner is not genuine
He tells you that he loves you all the time, but it doesn’t seem genuine or credible, he even says it at times when he wants to get something in return and not when it really is necessary.
You feel like your head is going to explode trying to analyze his words and your gut is in a knot. You no longer trust their words, and your body has long begun to show signs that something is not right and that you need to rest.
3. Your words and actions don’t match
Your partner promises you one thing and does another. he usually says: “I love the time we spend together, it makes me feel very good”, or proposes outings and encounters that for one reason or another end up being postponed or being changed by entertainments that only concern your partner, and of which many Sometimes, you are not part.
4. Secrets are kept in the relationship that cannot be discussed.
Your partner, in an effort to be autonomous and sure of himself, does not usually comment on where he is going, who he is going out with or what he is doing. He says that it is not necessary to know everything he does with his life and that you are the one who should trust him the most.
Meanwhile, he is out living his life and forming his own plans that do not include you, and that is not what is wrong, each one should have his own life in a relationship, but he passes over you and does not try to both, his interests are in himself and his own satisfactions that almost always leave you out.
In a healthy relationship, limits are respected and each one’s personal space must be respected, but there should be no secrets or things to guess, because this sows doubts and mistrust, which is one of the three pillars in a relationship.
In addition, the fact of not being able to talk about certain topics can generate certain resentments over time that accumulate and tarnish the feeling of love towards the loved one.
5. It’s never there when you need it
It is not about being a superhero and always coming to the rescue, but when you cannot trust your partner or feel their support in difficult times, it is very likely that you feel lonely and frustration generates a lot of pain. This feeling should not be part of a healthy relationship, in which both members of the couple show their mutual support in the face of life’s adversities.
Life is simple and only we make it complicated, a relationship from love is the healthiest relationship and the one that will give you the strength to grow and feel fuller. It is possible to improve a relationship that has been based on pain to be able to sustain itself, it should only be enough that both people want the change and achieve it on a personal level and then carry it out in the couple relationship.
They must choose to love in another way, learn the way or relearn what has been forgotten along the way, releasing beliefs and learning from the lessons that a painful relationship has given you, to modify attitudes and your perspective towards the relationship.