It’s a fact: kids get upset with their parents . If you think that your own existence does not make them constantly roll their eyes and moan softly, you are living in a fantasy world. It’s just the parent-child dynamic. But you can take some of that pressure off. They will never completely see you as someone who is shameful whose sole purpose is to humiliate them in front of their peers, because, come on, they both know that’s not true, but there are ways to negotiate a peace where you’re only mortifying them part of the time. Here are 30 ways you tease your kids , along with some suggestions on how you can repair some of the damage.

 

Ways you bother your kids without realizing it

The first step is acceptance. You have to take a long, hard look at your own behavior. Not through normal, rational eyes. But through the eyes of a boy, who perceives the world in a very different way than the rest of us. The things that you think are no big deal are actually, from his point of view, heinous acts of a monstrous father. But you can change it. Maybe not everything you do, but enough to clear some land mines in the distance between you and them.

Ask about his day

What are you, the FBI? Is this an interrogation? Children may have a lot to say about their day, but they recoil from direct questions. If you really want to know if they learned something in school or made new friends, keep your mouth shut and let it emerge organically.

Take endless photos of them

Nothing makes a child lose his mind like asking him to pose for the hundredth photo in 10 minutes. Do all the moments of your life need to be documented? If you really need one more photo, which is exactly the same as every other photo of them on their phone, at least try to be stealthy and discreet about it. Take a photo when they’re not paying attention.

Comb your hair

Not all kids are concerned if their hair is a tangled mess, or they look like they just woke up from sleeping in a dumpster during a storm. When approaching them with a comb or brush, they may feel like they are being harassed with a rusty razor. As a parent, choosing your battles is important, and trust us, this one cannot be won.

Follow your threat to limit its screen time

All parents teach their children about how television and video games are rotting their brains, but we don’t always have the courage to follow up. Children know it, and that is why they are scared when our threats are not empty. Take away his screen time, and he’ll feel like you’re denying him food and water.

Interact with your friends

By interaction, we do not mean long and drawn out conversations. We simply mean making fleeting eye contact and saying, “Hello.” Any attempt to acknowledge the existence of their friends can only be interpreted as an attempt to embarrass them in front of their peers. If you want to keep them happy, treat their friends like you’re dating an ex on the street, from a relationship that ended badly. Just stare at your feet, remain silent, and hope they don’t notice.

Not keeping enough sugary and unhealthy snacks in the pantry

Bananas and apple slices? Are you kidding me? The occasional piece of fresh fruit is fine, but any kid with hard-working taste buds is going to demand more from their snack options. They want a snack drawer or pantry shelf that looks like a Willy Wonka fever dream. Not providing this can only mean one thing – you don’t really love them.

Sing your favorite songs

You could be a classically trained vocalist, capable of hitting every note with perfect vibrato, and your kids will still cringe like a drunk stumbling into a karaoke song. As long as the intention is to mortify them, you’re fine. But if you think they are watching with silent reference, amazed why you don’t become the Justin Timberlake of your generation, you are deluding yourself.

Dance

It goes hand in hand with singing. You think you are breaking some sweet moves, and all your kids see that you are an uncoordinated adult who still doesn’t realize that The Robot is not within your skill set.

Remind them about homework

The task is the tax audit of the ISR of the children’s world. They know they can’t help it, but they fear it with every bone in their body. When your parents mention it, it is never helpful. Or at least that’s how it is interpreted by children’s ears.

You might think you are saying something innocent like “Don’t forget you have homework to do”, but all they hear is: “Time is ticking! You will not sleep tonight and you will fail in everything you try! You have disappointed me once again !! ”

Try to help them with their homework

This is an academic collaboration that was doomed from the start. Because communication is simply not possible. You may be reading straight from the assignment, using the exact words of their teacher, and still, they will feel cornered. You are pushing too hard, or not understanding, or making everything more complicated, or not complicated enough, why are you doing this to them?

Respect and execute bedtime

“Execute” might seem like a strong word. You are not a prison guard, after all. Oh, but you might as well be. Signaling bedtime is imminent is basically a hostile act on your personal freedom. Why do you selfishly organize the passage of time, as if you were the secret architect behind it all, devilishly plotting to steal precious moments from them?

Throw away your artwork that was clearly going to be priceless in the art world in another 20 years

It’s like you don’t even care about that hastily drawn crayon masterpiece and then forgot it existed after you put it in the fridge. Clearly, the message you are sending them is: “Your talent does not matter and you should give up now.”

Replace your fries with broccoli

Imagine how a boy could put this to his friends: “You are in a restaurant with your family, trying to enjoy a simple meal. You give the waiter your order, and then this big brute who calls himself your dad interrupts to say, ‘Could you substitute broccoli for the fries? Whoa? ‘ “. Well, it could be broccoli, lettuce or any green veggies that are simply a threat to your palate, especially if they are stealing space from your favorite fries.

Using saliva and a thumb to wipe something off your face

There has to be a better way to remove a stain or food particles from your child’s face. When they see the wet thumb dart at them, ready to attack their cheeks, it sends a chill down their spine. They do not back down because they are opposed to having their faces cleaned. But the difference between a wet washcloth and a saliva-soaked thumb is like the difference between a good shower and spraying with a garden hose.

Get them to stop playing Fortnite because it’s dinner time or whatever

Yes, refueling a body with the nutrients it needs to survive is important. But is he going to help a kid survive Fortnite’s dystopian nightmare landscape? Your inability to understand how such a game is more important than sitting at a table, pretending to eat vegetables, and ignoring questions about what they did with their day, literally breaks… everything.

You annoy your kids when you talk about puberty

“Just go away. You can come back to the subject at another time. Like when I am 30 years old. ” (The possible thought of them when, yes, you left without getting what you wanted.)

Asking them to go shopping with you when your list is longer than one item

If they have no choice but to accompany you on a grocery expedition, fine. But at least let’s prioritize. How much on this so-called “list” do you really need? We can tell without looking that you’ve probably gone too far with fruits and vegetables. Let your child cut down to the essentials and it will just be his favorite cereal. Boom, you’re done. What was so difficult about that?

Take large photos on your iPad

You know your phone takes photos too, right? You don’t have to take out that big iPad and start pointing at it everywhere, as if you were protecting yourself with a three-ring cover, especially if you’ve taken photos of them.

Talk about the weather

Oh really, the temperature today can fluctuate a few degrees below normal, so we could bring a sweater or at least a light jacket, unless we’re concerned about the 20% predicted chance of rain, then maybe we should. Bring a raincoat, but for a boy, a parent talking about what the weather “could be” is the children’s equivalent of the waterboarding test.

Being very affectionate towards your spouse or partner

Yes, children are very happy that their parents are genuinely affectionate. But that affection should be communicated in child-approved and not rude ways. Like, just smiling at each other. Or holding hands for five seconds until your kids notice and then immediately blurt you out with extreme prejudice.

Be very affectionate with them

If you really want a hug and / or a kiss from your child, act like a normal person and ask for it before leaving the house, and definitely before the blinds are open or there is natural light anywhere near you, which it could expose parent-child affections to the mocking gaze of an unforgiving outside world.

Be very affectionate with them while their friends are right there and they can see everything

You leave them only one option: get out of town and change their name, in effect change their entire identity. The way you leaned in to kiss him and landed right on his cheek and stood there for several seconds? How could your child live that? They have the mark of the beast now. You have undone it.

Not understanding why watching people play video games on YouTube is fascinating

Yes, it doesn’t make sense. Why not just play Minecraft instead of watching a guy who looks like he lives in his parents’ basement playing Minecraft for hours on end? Just asking the question means you’re painfully out of touch, and your video game’s scope of knowledge likely begins and ends with the original Super Mario Bros.

Ask them not to treat the bathroom like a truck stop bathroom

You don’t seem like you’re asking much. You just don’t want them to use the toilet as a target they have no intention of hitting. Or leaving wet towels on the floor, or toothpaste splatter on the mirror, or God knows what’s in the sink.

However, your reasonable requests are greeted like a health inspector wanting to close the family business. What bribe do they have to do to make you go?

Be on Facebook or any other social network

Imagine being a kid again, and your parents suddenly have the ability to tell you something, or share a photo, or a “joke,” and that exchange can be witnessed by absolutely everyone. That’s the horror show modern kids have to deal with. You really annoy your kids about it.

How embarrassed are they? A 2017 British study found that 14%, or just over one in ten children, are more embarrassed by their parents online than in real life. This is definitely one of the reasons why you should be so happy that you are not a teenager right now.

Tell your friends stories about your childhood that go nowhere

If you insist on telling your children a “hilarious” story from your childhood, make sure they adhere to these two rules: One, it makes sense. Whether “our phones were plugged into the wall” or “and then I knew that you are only responsible for yourself,” keep a destination or moral in mind. Two, is your story longer than a Looney Tunes cartoon? If so, don’t bother. You go straight to the “I got it” territory.

You annoy your kids by giving them homework

Asking a child to take out the trash or empty the dishwasher may seem harmless, or even an opportunity for them to learn the value of hard work, but to them it is nothing less than community service. They are only doing it because the other option is incarceration. You can cheer them on all you want, but your praise for “good work” is falling on deaf ears.

Force them to look at photos of themselves

No, that picture of them as a baby, hairless and drooling, walking like a penguin without pants across the kitchen floor, is not “a-dor-a-ble.” It is a public attack on him.

By Dr. Eric Jackson

Dr. Eric Jackson provides primary Internal Medicine care for men and women and treats patients with bone and mineral diseases, diabetes, heart conditions, and other chronic illnesses.He is a Washington University Bone Health Program physician and is a certified Bone Densitometrist. Dr. Avery is consistently recognized in "The Best Doctors in America" list.

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